Controlling your Anger

Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. But managing anger can be a problem for many people, who find it difficult to keep their anger under control.

In a recent survey for the Mental Health Foundation, 28% of adults said they worry about how angry they sometimes feel, and 32% have a friend or relative who has problems dealing with anger.

Health issues linked to unresolved anger include high blood pressure, heart attack, depression, anxiety, colds, flu and problems with digestion.

But anger doesn’t have to be a problem. “You can control your anger, and you have a responsibility to do so,” says clinical psychologist Isabel Clarke, a specialist in anger management. “It can feel intimidating, but it can be energizing too.”

Dealing with anger

• Recognize your anger signs

Your heart beats faster and you breathe more quickly, preparing you for action. You might also notice other signs, such as tension in your shoulders or clenching your fists. "If you notice these signs building, get out of the situation if you’ve got a history of losing control,” says Isabel.

• Count to 10

This gives you time to cool down so you can think more clearly and overcome the impulse to lash out.

• Breathe slowly

Make your out-breath longer than your in-breath, and relax as you breathe out. “You automatically breathe in more than out when you’re feeling angry, and the trick is to breathe out more than in,” says Isabel. “This will calm you down effectively and help you think more clearly.”

Managing anger in the long term

Once you're able to recognize the signs that you’re getting angry and calm yourself down, you can start looking at ways to control your anger more generally.

• Exercise

Bring down your general stress levels with exercise and relaxation. Running, walking, swimming, yoga and meditation are just a few of the activities that can help reduce stress. "Exercise as part of your daily life is a good way to get rid of irritation and anger,” says Isabel.

• Look after yourself

Make time to relax regularly, and ensure that you get enough sleep. Drugs and alcohol can make anger problems worse. “They lower inhibitions, and actually we need inhibitions to stop us acting unacceptably when we’re angry,” says Isabel.

• Get creative

Writing, making music, dancing or painting can release tension and help reduce feelings of anger.

• Talk about it

Discussing your feelings with a friend can be useful, and can help you get a different perspective on the situation.

Look at the way you think

“Try to let go of any unhelpful ways of thinking,” says Isabel. “If you often think thoughts such as ‘It’s not fair’, or ‘People like that shouldn’t be on the roads’, this is not helpful.” Thinking like this will keep you focused on whatever it is that’s making you angry. Let these thoughts go, and it will be easier to calm down.

Don’t use phrases that include:

• Always (for example, ‘You always do that').
• Never ('You never listen to me').
• Should/shouldn't ('You should do what I want' ... 'You shouldn't be on the roads').
• Must/mustn't ('I must be on time' ... 'I mustn't be late').
• Ought/oughtn't ('People ought to get out of my way')
• It’s not fair.

Getting help

If you feel you need help dealing with your anger, see your GP. There might be local anger management courses or counseling that could help you.

There are private courses and therapists who can help with anger issues.. Make sure any therapist you see is registered with a professional organisation, such as the British Association of Counseling and Psychotherapy.